Iron-Sharpening-Iron: Relationships & Developement

     It’s no secret that other people influence our lives. This is a widely understood fact of life. Sciences have been created to study how people affect one another. Sociology and psychology are studies of human interaction. Advertising, marketing, and economics have a firm foundation in understanding influences that we exert on one another and this isn’t a recent phenomenon. Ancient proverbs speak of men sharpening each other as iron sharpens iron (Prov. 27:17).

    I have never been in a relationship that has not been strained at sometime. All relationships will be strained, but it is how we come out on the other side that determines our development.  We can’t control the way others are going to react, but we can learn to react in the character of godliness. I can tell you from experience that God will allow you to be in difficult relationships to stretch you, challenge you and rub you the wrong way because He is working something out of your life that could not be worked out any other way. Look at David’s life and the relationships he had.  His brothers despised him, his first mentor turned on him and his first wife scorned him.

     Change would be the operative word to describe what relationships do for us.  We are going to be changed as a result of relationships whether good or bad.  Think back to the first job that you had. I worked for a hospital part-time while I was in high school. I had to learn to work with women, doctors and office workers. The duties I had to fulfill were to pick up the dirty linens and then clean offices at the end of the day.  I learned at an early age how to maneuver through these different personalities and stay on task to complete my duties. It was my interaction with all of these different types of peoples that prepared me to do well at my next job. 

     Reflect on the relationship you have with your wife or if you are not married then a close friend and think about how you have been changed as a result of the relationship.  The change we go through in relationships is a result of fellowship.  The Greek word Koinōnia is translated as fellowship and means: “Participation in anything, the using of a thing in common.”  When I think of the word Koinōnia, I think of the word partnership.  A partner shares, loves and works together.  When you do this you are going to change because you will rub off on one another. 

     The Bible is full of relationships and development.  Jesus and the twelve, Paul and Timothy are clear examples of mentoring relationships.  I like the term coined by Steven Covey when he describes Win-Win relationships. Ideally when seeking out a mentoring relationship we want to seek out relationships that are going to be beneficial to both parties.  You have to bring a skill to the table that is beneficial to be honed. What I mean is if someone is a chef then he has no interest in mentoring an accountant interested in banking. It would not be a Win-Win situation since the skills and passions don’t match. If you are simply giving spiritual mentoring then having similar skill sets is not necessary since the relationship will be one of merely spiritual empowerment and support.

     Skills and character are honed by the acceptance of constructive criticism. I don’t know anyone who likes to be corrected; however iron-sharpening-iron is a direct reference to this activity.  I will use myself as an example.  When writing a book I will do my best to send it out to other writers so that they can give me constructive feedback.  I don’t always like the feedback that I get, but looking through a different set of eyes helps me to challenge what I think and helps me to get it right.  It is usually my wife who is the greatest help at this because she knows me so well.  She knows when I am being arrogant or critical and when she gives me feedback I have learned to take it to heart.  I did not say that I immediately like what she says, but I give it a lot of thought.

     In ending this post I want to encourage you to seek out those you can have a Win-Win relationship with in regards to developing your gifts.  One word of warning that I will give is don’t become too exclusive in this approach. I have found that many times God will have you learn from someone and once you have what you need He will move you on to your next learning session. It does not mean that you have to break relationship, but that your next relationship will build upon what has already been imparted.  Don’t let people play the exclusive game with you especially in the church.  We have two permanent covenants in the New Testament, which are marriage and Christ.  Everything else is subject to change.

     We don’t always have to have a close working relationship with someone for him or her to be our role model.  In todays electronic age we can glean from others in so many different ways.  It is helpful to watch creativity at work in other people and get ideas to help us.  Find people who are doing things right and model them.  You don’t have to copy them, but let them inspire you and gain from their experience.  

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